thelosingend.

she wears a smile on her sleeve
and her heart falls
into a million pieces at her feet.
dark, deep black holes where
her secrets are burned
tears and sorrow meet.

her place of comfort
just crumbled to dust
pillars of strength weakened.
no more trust and love
will she give
till this heart is unbroken.

unfeeling and jaded
her emotions run
roped and tangled in knots.
still and quiet
her body now will lay
this battle, to her, is over and fought.

she, as always, on the losing end.

-

i
really
am
the
happiest
when
i'm
with
you.
the
moment
i
come
back
here
i

cry.

torn.

do it your own way since you seem to think that it's the best.
i'm not gonna try anymore simply, just because.
each time i put more and more in
and i end up falling harder and harder.

and well,
that's that.

i guess.

youknowwhat?

rightnow, just then, you've pushed it wayyy to hard.

my tolerance level has just reached zero.

...ding. bingo.

this bites.

ihaveslippedbackintomybadbadbadhabit.
rarrr.

no more sleeping after two then.

thankyoumuchly lala for your ears and lovely words(:

starting something new.

sigh. i really really respect people like karencheng and ickleoriental. karencheng has two boys and a house to manage, ickleoriental has a hubby and still has the discipline to train for a triathalon, work and have a social life. i'm in uni and i'm already going nuts trying to juggle a healthy lifestyle with studies and also somewhat of a social-life. karencheng and ickleoriental take discipline to a whole new level. and i have no idea how they do it.

however, i am very proud of myself today, because i got out of bed early, despite the cold and went up to level 33, aka the gym. semi-sort of cleaned out the room, did some painting and even had time to take a nice slow walk to school for nearly 5hours of film class. btw, i love lygon during the lunching period. because it's a quiet sort of noisy.

from today onwards, i make a pact with myself. to not eat so much junk, have healthy three foodgroup meals, eat fruits and veg, eat my vitamin Cs, EXERCISE at least twice a week. and DO MY READINGS. on the list tonight, do some reading and then edit some photos, if i'm happy with myself, catch an episode of prison break.

(:

walk on.

sooo. it's back to school then. i have more or less gotten my life back into it messy-oragnised state. in terms of my room that is. my body is drained and tired. although i know that by tmw i would have more than enough energy to rahrah again, i'm just feeling... bleh. i have no idea how to say this, but i feel like being a socialrecluse. again. not that i was for a very long time really when i said that i would. i guess after whatever other activities i've committed myself to, i shall retreat into my humblehome just to spend some me time. well, that's the plan anyway. i spent some time alone while it rained outside and jazz music played thru those wunnerful creative speakers. with a hothoneyedtea in my hands, i cleaned out my papertrays and everything. for just a short five mins in between, i wrapped my hands around the warm mug, tucked myself in between my babyblanket, and just watched the rain fall.

i've forgotten what bliss it is to ignore the rest of the world, while building your own little town somewhere in your brain. with the constant rhythm 'pitpitpatterpatter' against your window, there's no other place i'd really rather be.

for once in a long time, ifelthappy.

and so begins another semester.

don't keep running futher. walk on.

she knows.

it's okay that the bands don't match, because, maybe they're not supposed to anyway. the lights are still on at 2am, silence cannot be an option simply because, i will fall asleep. sappy boybands are on the playlist. perfect for the brainteasers, ifeellikemaltesers. clickclickclick. just a few more, she says.

time does wonders to her brain. suddenly, thinking is such a problem. might be good, might be bad. ahh. it's always both ways. well, at the moment, being lost at such a crucial time, is not funny. yet again. it doesn't always require so much brainjuice eh. brain-in-overdrive.

somehow, doesn't feel half as bad to know that you _________.
still, white flowers never come as close to being half as beautiful as you are.

revelation.

i realised that i really need to grow up.

then again, maybe i'm just trying too hard.

ah. who knows.