almost here.

batman was really good. it was, unlike any other batman. OF COURSE! it was so so so good.

we went for a really long walk today. at the royal botanic gardens of melbourne. thanks to shang, people, like me, who have been in melbourne for so long, found such a beautiful place. we went to the shrine of rememberance, "lest we forget". it's so nice and huge and...

laaddeeedaahhh. ok. i'm blogging cos, i'm. stoned. i had to wake up at 4.30am this morning. GRR.

"TNG! why are you still awake???"

uh. cos i just am? i feel like being stupid and staying up.

"hah. you just can't sleep, can you?"

umm. i think so? i told you my brains aren't working.
OK! get off my back already.

i'm almost there...

and you're almost here.

brand new.

i feel good today.
why? cos i got my computer reformatted. Mr. Fujitsu has gotten a make-over, and it looks fantastic. it IS fantastic.

"you make me feel brand new..."

haha. i love the new-ness of the computer. feels like, something different altogether. that's it on webMSN for me. finally. *phew.
thank you panda(: sorry we only got to play like, uh. 5mins of tennis? haha. we WILL play again. and i will be smart and book later ok?

it's just one of those days, when you don't want tomorrow to come too quickly.

"...want this moment to last."

re-deisgn.

after making a long postponed trip to ikea...
i want my own house that i can paint and put all sorts of things that i want to.

"seven years..."

i bought really nice things. haha. uh, you'll find out soon enough. it's actually only one thing.

i really think we should work at ikea as display managers or something, right?

"random greens..."

it was really fun(: yay.

i'm eating at such an unearthly hour of 2am. *don't look at me like that can. i'm hungry lor.

15 again.

0.01 of operation freedom.
just doesn't really feel like that. maybe it hasn't sunk in.
or maybe it's just cos i've got so much i want to do during the holidays, it's become quite heavy.

"mish, admit it. you know what it is."

ok lah. i'm SUPER jealous. jealous that everyone's going back. okok. fine. i'm going on road trip. which is really exciting also. BUT.

i really wanna be back in that ULTRA hot place.

walking down the narrow path back home with you, my friend, smelling not the fresh flowers along the way, but the car exhaust. dying with the weight of our school books on our backs. perspiration running down our faces, but smiles and laughter make everything lighter.

stopping at the bus stop, waiting for that 970 that we always miss and then waiting together for it so that we'll have more time to chat. doing something really random in the end, like counting cars. giving up after like, 5? after 20mins, boarding that air-conditioned 970 and smelling fish, and giggling at the stupid guy standing at our 5o'clock.

laughing and being excited at having the whole house to ourselves, dragging that queen size bed outside to the living room in front of the TV. where we sit, and you do your A-math, while i watch CSI and get all freaked out... and finally falling asleep to the voice of frank sinatra.

struggling so hard during class the next day, hugging our bright red pillows and trying to pay attention to the teacher who sounds as good as frank sinatra that morning. trying not to think about all the stupid things we did(like laughing at the fat man at the pool...) and burst out laughing...

makes me wanna be 15 all over again.
i really can't imagine how many stupid nonsense things we did during those days, of being wild and crazy. that's probably only a really small fraction of it. a really small fraction. maybe not even a fraction. maybe a nano... something something.

...i'm just too far away.

drastic measures.

if you know me well enough, when i get nervous, i tend to chew off the skin around my thumb.
yucks, gross, whatever. i'm so sorry if i've grossed you out. i hope you've had dinner. but yes.
after today's exam, this called for drastic measures.
i was thinking so hard during the exam and of course, my bad habit started.
it's really red now, and it REALLY hurts. for once. like, quite badly.
so when i got home and after i've had a shower, i went to rummage the medicine box for plasters.
now, i've got this allergy to plasters and i get all itchy from the adhesive on the sides. so that's a problem isn't it? it'll make things worse.

"aiyarh mish, that was how long ago. just try again lah. you won't die."

well, if it does get very bad, yes, i might die. you really never know.

"but if you want to play like tommy emmanuel, you gotta stop doing that! he plays with his thumbs you know."

AHA! that got me. so ok lah. what to do. it hurts quite bad anyway. so i wrapped the plaster around my poor finger. so that i don't start chewing it off again during psychology tmw.

i hope.

tngying

the director.

somehow, i always do the day before my paper.

walk, walk, walk, walk. "relief some stress. breathe the fresh air..."

...josh is going back, vicc's going back, trish's going back... everyone's going back. i gotta get back.

"doesn't matter. you can stay here and enjoy winter. they will all suffer when they get back from the sunny isle. MUAHAHA."

haha. yes. i know. and i've got a good holiday project to work on right? the one with the photos... i can't wait... friday hurry and come?

"nothing more but...just to be like this."

thank you for the walk:)

there's an audience of one, sometimes many, but there's only one director. and He's the best.

tngying

audience of one.

i took a walk today at carlton gardens for the simple fact that i could not mug anymore.students walked out of the exam hall. i thought of turning back, thinking,

"blahh... this is gonna make things more stressful."

but i walked on. it got quieter and quieter. i found a large protruding root right next to the pond and sat down. ducks swam by. and i just watched. it was so peaceful that i could almost hear their webbed feet making the gentle "swoosh" noise in the water. almost. so graceful, the way they moved, so beautiful, the gentle ripples made by their gliding in the water.

"how're you today?"

running, running, running on. i'm tired and...

a little yorkshire terrier runs past me and starts rolling around on the grass.

i wish i could be like that. free.

i turn my head. the bare tree caught my eye. a BARE tree catches my eye? yes. it's not the tree. it's the light. the way the soft, yellow, setting sun light falls only on one side of it. the little things that amaze you. i start walking again. i find a bench, and i sit. watching the rest of melbourne fighting the traffic in the distance. people walking by in a hurry.

to where?

i see the street lamps start to flicker.

"mish, it's getting late and dark, time to get home."

wait. let me sit here for a while more. let me watch the whole of melbourne go home.

"another winter day has come and gone... i've had my run, baby i'm done... i gotta go home."

satisfied, i get up. turn my back on that purplish-orangish sunset, walk on towards the moon.
sometimes you're just amazed that nature only has an audience of one.

tngying

a jar of sweet-ness.

skittles make really good photo subjects. especially to satisfy myself after a whole day of taking really rubbish photos. the good food show was a good experience. you can go to leeway's blog to take a look at what we actually did. it was quite embarassing especially when i tried to be a smart alec. i'm sorry vicc! again. we got exercise! anyhow, the silly EAP exam was on artifactual communication. how predictable. i actually think i went off topic. but, what to do.

as i was saying all about the skittles, i bought them cos firstly, they were on offer(i think), and i needed some form of COLOUR. with all those black and whites, yes. i think my world needed some sort of colour. besides, the skittles will help me stay a bit high so that i can work my way through those long nights. and then i wondered.

"what if colour never existed?"

would my world still be as it is now?

well, it would be just a little different i guess.
cos you'd be black and white.

tngying

test of my intelligence.

exams. what else can it be? grrr. i don't like exams. who does?

jay chou's "xing qing" is stuck in my head. is it called "xing qing"? it's the
'shou qian shou yi bu liang bu san bu si bu wang zhe tian...' that one. cos vicc and i were singing it like two days ago. and then i listened to it again today. it's REALLY stuck in my head.

sorry, that was um... random, i digressed. that's one reason why i cannot study at the moment. i keep getting distracted. how on earth do you study for the English for Academic Purposes(EAP) exam??? read through referencing, find the trusty dictionary... what else? oh. and i've gotta prepare lit. stupid questions are so hard lah. i haven't even chosen the question. it's on tuesday! *mish starts to panic.

"trying to get me in the right direction."

ok. i can do this. after o's. this is like, nothing.

yeah right. stop kidding yourself, mish.

yes. i can ok. i'm going to hit the books right now.

wish list.

i want my 1.8K guitar. Mr. Maton.
i want to play like tommy emmanuel (go on wishing.)
i want a new camera/SLR would be even better.
i want to be a photographer?
i want to take REALLY good photos.
i want two dogs, golden retrievers.
i want a nice house.
i want to go to brissy to see ting.
i want to go to singapore to see tee.
i want to go back to singapore to see everyone.

this could go on forever.
enough of being materialistic.

i want to be more like You.

i want you.
can you be reserved?:)

tngying

it's like that.

"you smile like you've never been sad,
laugh like you've never cried."

can you love like you've never been hurt?

i think i can love you, for you.

you're just different somehow...
you just are.

tngying

biting my lip.

"it's not all about trust."

then what is it about?

you know what? i always try too hard to keep myself from just saying something to make you slap my face. i think if you did, it'll feel much better.

so you think you've never hurt me before?

far from it. hurt me so many times, i don't feel it anymore.

"say sorry."

i'm sorry that i don't mean i'm sorry.

i really don't.
why should i apologize for feeling? why should i say sorry for feeling like this?

i won't say it. i just won't.

in and out.

*mish is bored

don't feel like anything
want to sleep
want to dream

want to watch you breathe.

this is as far as i could go.

i tried editing this photo. i couldn't. it just says so much. i tried making it black and white. it didn't work somehow. i tried everything i knew in photoshop (which is not alot.) but things just didn't seem to click. everything i did took the 'life' i knew, out of this photo. the genuiness of this wonderful friendship and sisterhood, couldn't be portrayed any other way, other than the original.
i remember it being bittersweet that night. it felt good that i was finally going somewhere different. but somehow, to leave these two? it just wasn't worth it. we laughed our hearts out that night. and we cried out hearts out too. the very next day, i left on a plane to start a new chapter of my life, and about a week and a half later, so did ting.

to tee and ting: we're all on our own adventure huh? but you know what? someday, somehow, somewhere. we'll be together again (hopefully it'll be the end of the year.) i'm missing you two, forever will. won't change. :)

look at this memory.
says so much about us,
doesn't it?

tngying

taking me to the sky.

this has gotten me really high,
taking me way up to the sky.

you know what? that's the way you make me feel.
guess i've fallen for you.

tommy emmanuel. is so. awesome. there's no other way to say it. it's addictive to watch him play. it's like drugs. you just go so stoned. you stop breathing. and then you're dead.
that sounded like my monologue exam, which, was quite bad. BUT. tommy is so cool. my new inspiration. *mish just sighs.
if i could be like that.

"those who wait."

shadows.

i got my printer. everyone say YAY! i've been suffering without one.
anyway, i was just thinking today(yes, i do actually think ok.)

do you ever sit alone, in maybe a nice corner, listen to music, and just let the world go on and leave you alone? i do. used to rather. i don't have that special corner in my room anymore. back home, i had this corner, which had alot of pillows and it was right next to the window. i remember how i'd used to sit there and just... wonder. with the moonlight,(if i'm lucky enough) flooding my room, and my stereo's blue light trying to reach each corner. and a slow, jazzy song playing. it's just something i love to do. gives me time to reach into those little hidden corners of my mind, and think about things that i never get a chance to. you know what i mean.

"do you understand?"

actually, not really. to be honest.

well, i'm not alone i guess.

sheryl buddy. i really really miss you to bits. do you remember my aspirations for this photo which i took 2 years ago? the one which you couldn't see why i wanted you to sit all the way at the end, which would leave you in the dark? i managed to do something to it. like, finally. now, maybe you can see why.

time has passed, the photo has changed, and maybe so have we.

well, that doesn't matter. we'll still be the best of friends. just remember.


you're never alone. you've got me.(:

tngying

that princess.

"am i hiding in the shadows? "

maybe i am. sometimes i try so hard, it gets in the way.

"are we hiding in the shadows?"

i think so? are you?

"children, don't stop dancing, believe you can fly away."

fly away? away to where?

"...to the moon and let me play among the stars."

like a princess.
fly there and stay there forever?

maybe i could.
maybe i can.

dreaming of being that princess.